LIVING BY APPROVAL

A:
I hate to have to live for and by the approval of others. It is slavery.
B:
Oh, apparently you are craving only for the approval of those above you. Doesn’t it please you when your child approves of your conduct? Or your pet wags its tail?
A:
That is different. That is love. But working to come up to expectations of others, seeking their approval perpetually.. that is what I hate. Can’t I live by myself, on my terms? What is growing up, independence and freedom?
B:
Come to think: a lot of good gets done because it matters to humans how other humans [and animals] view them. Pre-police, pre-army, pre-supervisor good conduct is often motivated by this latent desire.
A:
That is cheap. You mean no good happens for goodness’s sake? I can’t do good just on my own, on principle?
B:
You may. Indeed, you often do. But guess what: if you know that nobody is watching you, some day you may be tempted to do evil, or at the least, to stop doing good.
A:
That is silly. You mean we do good out of fear?
B:
Often times, yes. But that is not what I mean. Studies show that when you know that nobody is watching and taking note that you are NOT doing evil, you lose the incentive to do good, and fall prey to bad conduct. Absence of approval is disincentive to doing good. Good supervisors record not only who are doing evil things but also who aren’t, although both have equal opportunity to do so. This recognition by the team acts as deterrence for the bad and incentive for the good.
A:
Leave the morality aside. Isn’t it taxing, doesn’t it make you tense, this damn feeling that you are being watched, observed and judged all the time?
B:
It well may. But the higher you grow, the greater the focus upon you and the more you are in the limelight. Isn’t that natural? So, would you stop growing, rising?
A:
Whatever, but I would crave for my private space. This feeling is apt to drive me crazy. I would head for Timbuctoo, Galapagos Islands or Más a Tierra island to live like Robinson Crusoe.
B: What if you developed affinity for the plants and animals there? Or became religious and craved for God’s approval. Pal, you got to live with it. To learn to balance the inner independence and external approval. Both are needed for the harmonious inter-personal relationship and for our civilization; indeed, for the empowerment of human personality and for the emancipation of human soul. A typical illustration of personal checks and balances.